i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
