ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
