I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
