Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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