I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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