Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
