is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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