Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We left an ass print on the piano.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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