Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
