I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The uberlube is also flammable
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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