I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
