Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
