just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
