I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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