I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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