apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
