Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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