Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
