I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
