You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
