3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
