seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
