Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
