It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
