he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
