mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
