it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
