Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
