I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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