WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Pants are for mortals
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
