They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
