Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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