I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
