She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
