The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
