i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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