Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
