i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
