Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
