I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
