Heybabeimwearingurpanties
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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