would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
