Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
no, he came in my armpit
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
