you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
