I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
