The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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