So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I can text with my tongue
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
