they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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