this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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