How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
