I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
