Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Pooping to opera.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
